D'Rose Updates 7 - Self-Care Mindsets

My work often includes coaching professionals from diverse backgrounds in leadership skills and towards new development opportunities. It is one of the most rewarding elements of my role. Connecting with amazing and accomplished individuals who just need some support and guidance to achieve their next goal.

I am grateful that along the way, I have coached people who have gone on to become life long friends. Often as I discuss topics and challenges of leadership with my coaches, we touch on the same subject – self-care.

Or more accurately a lack of self-care, which leaders regularly justify by pointing the high levels of responsibility they hold. But I would argue that the more responsibility you have, the more people are reliant on you, the more care you should take of yourself. Your responsibility to your team, your family, your colleagues, your business obliges you to maintain your health and wellbeing. We all know you cannot pour from an empty cup.

This is particularly true for those of us working to drive equitable change, especially those of use from diverse backgrounds or who have lived experience of one or more protected characteristic.

I wrote an article on this topic a while ago and it felt like the right message to share while I am away healing and convalessing. Please feel free to comment and share.

Considering Self-Care Mindsets

Guilt, depression, anxiety, insecurities and being overwhelmed, are common emotions for many people. We are each presented with challenges every day. Most days we can cope. Some days we struggle. Various factors feed into our coping mechanisms and resilience but the most significant factor is how we view and treat ourselves.

I recently saw a post on social media which said, “If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly”.

My immediate response was to screw up my face, ‘No, that can’t be right’. I thought.

But I continued reading, with my deeply furrowed eyebrows and cynicism. The post went on to explain that a little is better than none.

Can’t manage your 30-minute workout? Do a 10-minute yoga session on YouTube.

Can’t face the overly happy YouTube yoga instructor? Do 5 minutes of stretching.

It seems simple but many of us would not consider the compromises as wins.

It’s easy to collect and collate all the negative comments, thoughts and judgements and reflect on them as though they are real. Corrupting our internal monologues from being our motivational speaker to becoming our most spiteful critic. So now a low day, is just a reflection of what a terrible, useless human being you are. Adding a large amount of guilt to the turmoil just deepens the negativity. This criticism cycle can be self-perpetuating, extremely draining and damaging to all aspects of our health.

Our physical health is closely linked to our emotional and mental health. Balancing all three is an ongoing challenge for most people. Sayings like ‘you are what you eat’ are true, not only for our bodies but also for our minds. The translation of this saying would be ‘you are what you think’.  We ‘speak’ to ourselves more than anyone else, the words we think and the private thoughts dramatically outnumber conversations with other people. We have a duty to ensure what we say is uplifting and encouraging, rather than overly critical and self-defeating.

Self-sabotage is a common factor for many people. Our mental landscape, the space where we live in our heads, defines so much of how we live. When that space is full of repetitive negative criticism, we create an unhealthy mental environment for ourselves. Alternatively, making our internal environment, a supportive compassionate space, will have huge implications for our daily lives. Training ourselves to recognise, appreciate and be grateful for all our efforts and actions, will promote positive thinking. Developing a positive mental attitude is key to building resilience.

Making changes feels like a huge challenge. Our internal monologue can be cruel and very successful at convincing us of our failure before we even try.

Anxiety and depression are liars. Low self-esteem and self-doubt are dishonest bullies. To diminish their hold on our ability to have faith in ourselves and recognise our accomplishments, we must work on our internal affirmations and appreciation for all our hard work and effort.

Cognitive Behavioural approaches focus on adapting our thinking to adjust how we interact, to be more advantageous and mindful. This theory is perfectly evidenced in the implementation of ‘self-care thinking’. Being kinder to ourselves, speaking encouragement not criticism and finding opportunities to celebrate our accomplishments each day, no matter how small.

As leaders and inclusive practitioners, this is a key principle in equity-based people-centered approaches. Why do we exclude ourselves from those we prioritise when we think of our people-first support?

Remembering to love ourselves, actively appreciating our hard work and commitment to our self-development journey. Small changes to how we think of ourselves, our environment and our expectations can have a significant impact on our wellbeing. How realistic are your expectations? Don’t set yourself up to fail by expecting superhuman performance every day.

Being a good negotiator, enabling compromises and striving for progress over perfection will reduce the negativity and guilt. Include some fun, read, play a game, dance. Do something which will make you smile. 

Remember self-care is essential. Be kind to yourself. Role model this as the basis of good practice.

Join the DIP Community calls each month to connect with like minded diversity professionals in a supportive learning space.

You can also book a professional development coaching session with me.

Stay safe & #BeTheChange

Sabrina